Funny FB Status

yes, i am an angel. yep, i do have wings. and, oh yeah, i can fly a broom…women are versatile like that

if life throws you lemons… bring out the tequila!!!

Why do I have to grow up?..Isn’t it enough that I’ve learned how to behave in public…

I’m not mean, I just say what everyone else is thinking but are to afraid to say it themselves :)

My silence does not say that you have won the argument–it simply implies that you are not worth arguing with!

I don’t play “Hard To Get”, I play “Never Gonna Happen”

Is having a “I need to slap someone” kind of day ~Attitude~

There are 6 levels of stupidity… So, ah, how did you manage to make it to level 7?

It takes crazy to know crazy, and I think I just went pro.

oh hey! so i hear your with my ex now. that’s fine with me, I’m eating a sand witch. want those Left- overs too? :)

Temporarily out of my mind, will be back in 5 minutes…If i am not please read this again and wait!

My life’s not a fairytale, doesn’t mean I’m not a princess. My Prince Charming would surely come, if not a white horse, I’d settle for a white Porsche…

hates when I do something like a ninja and there is nobody around to see!

Ever wonder if your guardian angel has gone out for a smoke?

My body may be getting older but my mind is in COMPLETE DENIAL! :)~

Never say “maybe” to a kid. All they hear is “I swear on my life that this will definitely happen.”

notices that when the best actors are chosen by other actors, it’s called the Oscars but when the best actors are chosen by the people, it’s called an election.

Your six and you have a cellphone? Who are you going to call, Dora?

How do you keep a blonde amused for ages?  Get a piece of paper and write ‘Turn Over’ on both sides. :D

I’m not fat, I’m kidnap proof

I come in the house soaking wet and am greeted by “Is it Raining?” Nope, decided to take the fish for a walk.

If you expect breakfast in bed, go sleep in the kitchen

My edit button is broken, my give a damn is busted, might not be a good idea to ask me what I think. :)

If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask me. If you want something sugarcoated, go eat a donut.

6 Responses to “Funny FB Status”

  1. That Guy May 21, 2011 at 9:56 pm #

    haha like them all alot! Here’s my fav that you have:

    “I come in the house soaking wet and am greeted by “Is it Raining?” Nope, decided to take the fish for a walk.”
    XD hahaha LOVE THIS!

  2. grosssmutttr June 14, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    Don’t call me crazy. I much prefer the term “mentally hilarious”

    Why do people put designs on toilet paper? It’s not like when they wipe their butt there gonna be like Oh my god! A flower!

    I sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who I would shit on?”

    Thanks for the nice collection of status messages! Do you add some more in the future?
    I am searching everywhere for funny status messages :) I always use sites where you can add your own status messages like http://www.facebooksbestof.com/likefight

    Perhaps you could send me an email if you add more quotes to your list…
    Best regards

  3. aarohi December 19, 2011 at 9:36 am #

    they are all awesome

  4. Neeka February 15, 2012 at 12:55 pm #

    Hahahaha love them all Great job :)

  5. Facebook Status July 2, 2012 at 8:39 pm #

    Lol these are really witty, my today status on Facebook (I am walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper)

  6. maserati_pep July 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    My son is 2 years old with a cell phone who is he going to call – YO gabba gabba

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